Does this rewrite seem better?

I like the beginning better than the first time. It really captures the realization of the character of what he did. But there still is a few things to work on. Instead of "their eyes stared blankly into the black nothingness," try "for the first time in my life, their eyes did not recognize my pain." I think that this will fix the wordiness but still evoke the same emotions. I also think that the memory distracts from the scene. Instead either try to sum it up in a couple of sentences, like "and recalled the pleasant memories, like the time they bought me a mountain bike they couldn't afford." You can bring it back to the present the way you did a bit smoother if you said something like, "Their eyes lit up when they saw the joy on my face. I then realized their eyes would never light up again, because of me. Personally, I would get rid of the memory, but if you're attached to the idea, I hope my advice helped:). One other suggestion. If the memory is critical to the story, you might be able to put it in someplace else. I really hope this helped!